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TALES OF THE MARSHAL MARTZ: Episode 12 - Size Matters (DONE)

 Post subject: TALES OF THE MARSHAL MARTZ: Episode 12 - Size Matters (DONE)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:26 am 
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(This story is inspired by the "Weight Issues in Starfleet" thread in the Trek-related area.)

***

“Admiral, we have a problem,” Capt. Jean-Luc Picard reported from the screen.

“What kind of problem, Captain?” asked Admiral Thomas Mecum, the commander of Starbase 128.

“The Intarans refuse to talk with us. It seems we’re not… fat enough.”

“Fat enough.”

“Yes, Sir. They demand we send someone of larger stature.”

“That’s what they told the captain of the Indomitable. Hell, Jean-Luc, that’s why we sent you and the Enterprise.”

“It seems we misunderstood what they meant. In fact, if I hadn’t taken Mr. Mot, the ship’s barber, to our last meeting, they never would have told us that much.”

Mecum sighed. He didn’t want to go where Picard was leading.

“Surely we have someone in Starfleet who would fit their demands.”

“We do,” Mecum answered.

“Is he a Bolian? A Tellarite?”

“Human.”

Picard was surprised. “And how did he manage to pass the physical standards?”

“He didn’t. He got them changed.”

“I take it you don’t approve.”

“No, I don’t!” Mecum snapped. “The man suffers from adipose hyper-replenishment syndrome.”

“Cyrano Jones disease? If that’s the case, he’s perfectly healthy other than his weight.”

“I know, Jean-Luc, but it’s the perception of the thing. We need to put our best forward, and a fat officer, no matter why he’s fat, just isn’t it.”

“With all due respect, Admiral,” Picard countered, “to the Intarans, he is.”

Mecum sighed again. “I wish I didn’t have to do this. If the Intar system wasn’t in such a strategic location, I’d tell you to abandon the mission, but… Hold there for a while, just in case. I’ll send him to relieve you.”

“Of course, Admiral. Which ship should I be expecting?”

“The Marshal Martz, under the command of Captain John H. Harris.”

***

(More to come)

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Last edited by AdmiralSirJohn on Sun May 27, 2012 8:30 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 2:13 am 
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Wow. Pretty good work. I can't wait to read more.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 2:31 am 
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great start!! :-D

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 9:23 am 
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Are you looking for a genuine critique, or simply an acknowledgment of having read it?

Mecum, by the way, sounds like a complete putz.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:39 am 
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He is a complete putz... but one of his ancestors sold classic cars. (I was watching the Mecum Auto Auctions when I wrote the scene.)

Not enough for a real critique at the moment, but if you want to, be my guest.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:41 am 
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BTW: Could one of the admins fix the thread title? That &q should be a quotation mark.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:15 am 
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AdmiralSirJohn wrote:
Not enough for a real critique at the moment, but if you want to, be my guest.


Heh. I was going to say, "Once there's more, I'll provide one if you like." 8)

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:34 am 
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i can't imagine though that Picard would be like that....

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:43 am 
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ambessalion wrote:
i can't imagine though that Picard would be like that....


Actually, the only line to which anyone need take exception is, "Not that I much blame you." Picard holds his cards much closer to the vest than that, and would not disparage a fellow officer sight unseen and especially situation unknown. It doesn't work.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:12 pm 
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AdmiralSirJohn wrote:
BTW: Could one of the admins fix the thread title? That &q should be a quotation mark.

For some reason, I can't get it to accept the quotation marks. I've never seen the forum software do this before.

Very strange. :-k

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:14 pm 
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JM1776 wrote:
ambessalion wrote:
i can't imagine though that Picard would be like that....


Actually, the only line to which anyone need take exception is, "Not that I much blame you." Picard holds his cards much closer to the vest than that, and would not disparage a fellow officer sight unseen and especially situation unknown. It doesn't work.


Point taken. Let me go fix that...

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:32 pm 
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"I take it you don't approve" works eminently well. The good captain feels out the admiral while betraying none of his own perspective; in addition, said line allows the reader to infer Picard's disapproval—of the admiral's attitude, that is—if he or she so desires.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:43 am 
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(As promised, here's the next scene...)

***

Captain’s Log, Stardate: 55812.2

We have received orders to proceed to the Intar system, where we are to rendezvous with the Enterprise. The fact that I and my ship are being sent to assist Picard and his crew makes me wonder what’s up.

End entry.

Captain John H. Harris sat back in his chair and pulled off his eyeglasses.

Time for a new prescription, he thought, rubbing his tired eyes. He’d been allergic to the base chemicals used in nearly all commonly-used vision correction techniques, and had elected to wear old-fashioned eyeglasses instead of undergoing surgical correction. They were anachronistic, true, but had added to his mystique over the years.

His eyes soothed temporarily, he re-donned the eyeglasses, sat forward, and called up the next piece of administration on his desk terminal.

It was another good-natured nag from his chief medical officer, trying to get him to schedule more time in one of the ship’s gyms. Chase Woods had always been a proponent of holistic medicine, which included regular exercise, and was frequently wanting Harris to try some new (or old) method of treating his Cyrano Jones disease, despite the fact that the captain had passed every one of his physicals despite the morbid obesity that was the primary symptom of the genetic disorder. True, he didn’t have the stamina of someone who didn’t suffer from it, but did have strength and dexterity within two percent of Terran norm, well within Starfleet’s guidelines. In fact, his lower body strength approached Vulcan norm. Still, Woods was one of the followers of the McCoy school, which held nagging in high regard.

“Maybe she’ll be satisfied with some extra time on the holodeck,” he said to himself as he tapped out a reply. The nags did irk him from time to time, but he and Woods were friends, having served together on the Majestic back during the war, so he took them in stride.

He was about to call up the next item in the queue when the intercom came alive with the voice of Commander Arleta Thivan.

“Bridge to Captain Harris.”

“Go ahead, Number One.”

“Sir, we’ve reached the Intar system. Captain Picard is standing by on channel D.”

“Thank you, Commander. I’ll take it in here.”

“Aye, Sir.”

He sat back again as one of the most famous faces in Starfleet appeared on the screen. “Captain Picard,” he said, greeting the senior captain. “It’s an honor to finally meet you.”

“Likewise, Captain Harris,” Picard replied. “Your reputation precedes you.”

“Not all of it bad, I hope.”

“A bit, but that’s a conversation for another time.”

“I hear Mr. Worf is serving with you again.”

“Indeed. He speaks rather highly of you, and especially of your young Ensign Mallory.”*

“If there’s time, I’m sure she’d be happy to put on a recital.”

“Perhaps.” Picard took a breath and let it out in a small sigh. “First, however, there’s the matter of negotiating with the Intarans. It seems they hold… um… those of… I’m not sure exactly how to put this…”

“Fat people?” Harris offered, carefully masking the old wounds the term opened in his psyche.

“Crudely put, but yes. The Intarans consider obesity a sign of success and authority.”

“Huh… A weightocracy. Who knew?”

“Indeed. And that, Captain, is why you are here.”

Harris thought silently for a few seconds. “Perhaps,” he finally said, “I should beam over for a more thorough briefing.”

***

* Established in TOTMM episode four, "The World That She Sees" - available on request.

(More to come...)

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:51 am 
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nice :-D

will u also include the initial conversations they had with the aliens?

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:53 am 
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I hadn't planned on it, but I might include a bit in the next scene, which is Picard briefing Harris.

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